how to ask someone if they need help

Try This: “Hey, I’m feeling a little confused about the details of the XYZ project. LPT: When asking someone if they need help, say "Would you like" instead of "Do you need". Ground yourself in why you’re doing what you’re doing. Ask a teacher if he/she needs help organizing his/her classroom. I get it—there are some people out there who would rather stroll into work completely naked than suck up their pride and ask for help. This way, they feel respected and in control of their own treatment. Maybe you asked it when melancholy edged toward hopelessness, when you grew tired of treading water, when you inhabited the same body but no longer felt like the same self. they love. But, it’s not exactly about what you did, it’s about how you react to it. If you're really struggling in domains that you previously weren't, that's a sign things are off track. "The way in which we see a physical doctor even when we're feeling OK, just to make sure that everything's still going right, is kind of how we need to be approaching our emotional wellbeing as well," Wright said. Ask your loved one to give you the gift of seeking help, whether it’s for your anniversary, a holiday or your kids’ birthdays. This will increase your chances that those people will respond to you. A lot of time, we think the fault lies with the employee, and it … There's a process for determining if you are OK, and it's not unlike what you would do if you were concerned about someone you love. Because the last thing you want to do is muster up your courage only to stammer your way through a rambling and unclear request. Am I being irritable or snapping at people? It's much easier to prevent a crisis then it is to climb out of one. I need help helping you. Get help from a trained professional as quickly as possible. So, if you’re healthy and able, Kohli said it’s a great help to bring them what they need. If you have particular friends or family who you would like to ask a specific favor—perhaps they work at a company you want to work for, or they have a contact you would like to meet—send them individualized letters. Say, “Suicide is too big of an issue for me to handle alone. An important measure of well-being is whether you're able to function in daily life. Ready to share my latest updates with her, something in me encouraged me to ask how she was doing and why she was still awake. There’s no use torturing yourself by trying to blindly navigate a challenging project that you don’t understand. Try this: “I’m so embarrassed, but I completely messed ABC up, and now I need XYZ done in order to fix it. Instead of talking about the issue, focus instead on staying in touch and doing things together that might make them feel less alone. But, everyone has been in this situation at least once in his or her life. You may feel like you’re shirking responsibility. You have to actually ASK for what you want. Asking for Help in Times of Need, M. Nora Klaver makes some helpful suggestions for doing just that. Send some personalized letters. Don't wait until things are bad. You’ve reached your limit, and you know that there’s absolutely no way you’ll finish everything by the deadline—even if you pulled all-nighters for the next three weeks. So, if you’re working on a project you think could greatly benefit from the additional input of your co-workers, never hesitate to ask them to lend their advice and talents. But, if you have absolutely no idea what you’re supposed to be doing for a particular work project, it’s time to approach someone in your office for some clarification and assistance. Getting help for anxiety is often a big step for someone who habitually avoids things that make them feel anxious. Just be sure to repay the favor the next time your co-worker is feeling overwhelmed! Don't ask what someone needs, offer ways to help. An “effective” ask is one which opens a door for two people or a group of people to connect, and for an exchange of some sort to take place. For some reasons, many of us perceive a request for assistance as a sign of weakness, when—in reality—I think it’s actually a sign of great strength. But what about reaching in? Make sure to select people who will give you a glowing reference. People are more inclined to want to help those who've attempted to... 2. Be patient. She says: “Most people have never been taught how to ask properly. But, that doesn’t necessarily mean that asking for help is easy. If you have any extra time, would you mind helping me with the XYZ aspect of this project? Mental health experts say everyone should perform regular mental health checks to assess their own well-being. Tell them you’re someone they can talk to if they ever need to. They need to feel their feelings. Do you have an employee who’s hard to reach? I promise—it’ll be better for you in the long run. You kept enthusiastically answering “Yes!” to every project that landed in your lap, and now you’re completely buried under work. The last thing they need is to feel pitied. In addition to The Muse, she's a contributor all over the web and dishes out research-backed advice for places like Atlassian, Trello, Toggl, Wrike, The Everygirl, FlexJobs, and more. Hey, it means you’re self-aware and self-assured enough to know when it’s time to call in some reinforcements. Otherwise, they wouldn’t ask. Listen to your friend when they need to talk. You should ask yourself: In a perfect world, people would do these check-ins even when they weren't struggling. "One of the biggest indicators is whether the person is really having trouble doing their day-to-day life," Bufka said. Think about people who can speak to your skills and qualifications for the position. Say something like, “I think you are one of the kindest, smartest, loyal people I know and it feels like you are going through a rough patch and I’d like to help you the way you would help me.” Wrapping It Up: It's Okay to Ask for Help. What’s your next step? But, if you need help fixing your slip-up, make sure to approach the appropriate people in your office immediately. Because asking for help makes us so uncomfortable, and because we really do expect that people will say no, a common tactic is to portray the help we … Depends on the nature of the relationship. You’re not the first person to make a mistake at work—and you certainly won’t be the last. Talk about a win-win. Remind them that asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. So we do it badly, sometimes using guilt, coercion and blackmail. Do a bit of research into what help is available in your area that could be useful for your friend. How to ask for what you need. In the U.S., call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-TALK (800-273-8255) to reach a … Even if you’re an extreme control freak, you already know that your focus should be placed on turning out the best work possible—not just something that has your name all over it. Ask for a gift – literally. It was my twin sister all the way across the country, struggling with insomnia herself. They know that asking, ‘Can you help me?’ shows respect for the other person’s knowledge and abilities. How to Ask for Support When You Need It Without Sounding Pathetic Be genuine.. You’ll notice that all the tactics in this article require you to ask for someone’s help, even the subtle strategies. There is a caveat though. 1. IMPORTANT: Be clear if it is a loan or gift. The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention has resources to help if you need to find support for yourself or a loved one. Most people can instinctively detect an insincere request when they hear one. Can we set up a time when we can chat and bounce some ideas off of each other? A Networking Expert On How To Ask People For Career Favors And Get A Yes The 27 Key Email Templates You’ll Need In 2017 The Perfect Email Template For Asking Someone Kinda Random For Help So, take a deep breath and approach your supervisor or one of your co-workers in order to get a better understanding of the particular task and goals. She's also an Employment Advisor at a local college, and loves helping students prepare to thrive in careers (and lives!) makes you vulnerable, which also speaks powerfully to our instinctive desire to help other people. First, know what you want. I know that’s your area of expertise, and I’d really appreciate your help and insight!”. I really appreciate your help!”. We solicit pity when we want assistance, or we ask the wrong person. Clearly, people are much more lik… Choose whom to ask wisely. Crisis Text Line also provides free, 24/7, confidential support via text message to people in crisis when they dial 741741. Try this: “I’m working on XYZ project, and I’d love your expert insight on this particular area. Everyone has bad days. 3) “How can I best support you?” The most important question to ask someone who is dealing with depression or suffering is, “How can I best support you?” Emotionally supporting someone consists of different aspects: listening, coaching, encouraging, reflecting, problem solving, or physical assistance or accompaniment … Encourage the person to call a suicide hotline number. "It's sort of in some way shifting this mindset of what questions would I ask my friend if I was worried about them and then using that on yourself," said Vaile Wright, senior director of health care innovation at the American Psychological Association. If it’s been awhile since you’ve communicated with a potential reference, connect the dots between the past and the present, including what you worked on together and where you are in your current career path. Do I find that I'm catastrophizing more than I usually do? However, this does not mean they all have to be former employers. It's no fun when you put effort into helping someone... 3. Recommending resources too quickly turns people off. The worst thing you can do is attempt to sweep it under the rug without anybody noticing. Mental health and physical health are inextricably linked. Do I still find joy in the things that once brought me joy? But, that doesn’t necessarily mean that asking for help is easy. If you do that, chances are it won’t turn out as expected, and you’ll have wasted your own (and everyone else’s!) Demonstrate that you've tried to help yourself. It fosters collaboration among your team members, and also helps to make your project the very best it can be. time. All I can do is be present with them and bear witness to them naming their feelings. It happens to the best of us. Someone who’s disengaged or unwilling to accept help or learn something new? Nope, approaching someone in your office to ask him or her to lend a hand can actually be pretty anxiety-inducing. OK, so this one should be pretty obvious. You’re human, so mistakes are pretty much inevitable. 6. Ask your parents if they need help around the house. It was in the stillness of the evening that I slowed down to think of someone other than myself. But experts say from a diagnostic point of view, if you're feeling down for longer than two weeks, that's cause for concern and may mean its time to seek professional help. speaks powerfully to our instinctive desire to be of service to other people. And, if you try to remedy your error by getting involved in areas or departments where you don’t really belong, you could very well make your problem even worse. While you might think it’s a lost cause, it could be an opportunity for you. Asking for help isn’t always easy. Kat is a Midwest-based freelance writer, covering topics related to careers, productivity, and the freelance life. Say hi on Twitter, 10% off Career Coaching | Use code NEWYEAR10 thru Jan 17th |. Ask more questions before you volunteer your help. Confident people find someone who’s good at what they need to learn or get done and then ask for their help and guidance. Our bodies try and communicate when our brains are not well. Perhaps the easiest way to overcome the pain of asking for help is to realize that most people are surprisingly willing to lend a hand. Plus, you’ll look stubborn and incompetent. Typically, you need to provide potential employers with three references. Here's why: No questions, don't pry, no strings. If someone you love has depression, encourage them to seek professional help if they haven’t already done so. "Are you able to fulfill your role as a mom, a teacher, a spouse, a daughter?". Ask if they want to lead the conversation with the counselor on the other end, or if they want you to. Request some assistance from your other co-workers. Having helped many artists learn how to ask for what they need, we’ve noticed there are a few key qualities that make an effective ask. "We're so used to multi-tasking that we don't really give ourselves space to sit down and reflect," she said. I’m so sorry for the confusion and extra work. "Scheduling that time for yourself is going to be an important component.". Encouraging them and supporting them to … If someone you care about lets you know that they’re feeling lonely, don’t make them feel like they’re a charity case. Your loved one will likely need all the encouragement you're able to give! Maybe you asked it when two bad days turned into four, or when you lost something, or someone, and the grief never abated. 7 Effective Ways to Ask for Help (and Get It) 1. You can help your friend list things to ask potential therapists and things they want to mention in their first session. No one's baseline normal is the same, so experts say it's important to look for changes in your mood. "Just reach out" we say. In a perfect world, people would do these check-ins even when they weren't struggling. Whenever someone is dealing with something outside of the norm, people have a tendency to say, "let me know how I can help." Often it’s not always clear to... 2. When she manages to escape from behind her computer screen, she's usually babying her two rescue mutts or continuing her search for the perfect taco. Accept that they might not be ready to talk. Allow the person struggling to decide whether they want others to know. Nope, approaching someone in your office to ask him or her to lend a hand can actually be pretty anxiety-inducing. This is an all-too-obvious step that’s often overlooked. The person may need to be hospitalized until the suicidal crisis has passed. Ask politely and be aware of how you’re being received. If a close friend or family member, then be direct. If you find yourself in one of these scenarios, take a deep breath, swallow your pride, and approach others in your office for some much needed assistance. USA TODAY spoke with Wright and Lynn Bufka, associate executive director for practice research and policy at The American Psychological Association, on how to perform a mental health check. Wright says to do a mental health check, you need quiet. Demonstrate that you've acted on the person's advice previously. It's a skill you need to build up. Become informed. Ask your friends if they need help with studying/homework (but don't do it for them!). Also: Avoid talking to someone when they are in a bad mood, tired, have tight deadlines at work or if they’re doing something important. But, sometimes it’s downright essential. While those words are well-meaning, they can be a bit hollow. On the other hand, when... Be honest with yourself.. People are often told to check in with others when they notice someone struggling. I really think your input could take this project to the next level!”. Do I feel muscle tension in my neck or shoulders. If you or someone you know may be struggling with suicidal thoughts, you can call the U.S. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-TALK (8255) any time day or night, or chat online. Flat out offer or give in private. So, here are four instances when it’s definitely time for you to bite the bullet and ask—along with a … It can be hard to listen to what our brains are telling us when we're working, caring for others or distracted. Start from the heart center: before I ask others to join or... 3. "Can you help me?" When Vanessa Bohns, a professor at Cornell University and a leading researcher in this area, recently reviewed a group of experiments that she and her coauthors had done, she found that compliance—the rate at which people provided assistance to strangers who asked for it—was an average of 48% higher than the help seekers had expected. Ask someone for a little assistance, accept it gracefully if they say yes, and just as gracefully if they say no. Could we set a time to sit down, talk through the nuts and bolts of this assignment, and make sure we’re on the same page?”. However, if they disclosed a plan of how they might die by suicide, it is imperative to have a mental health professional decide what the next steps should be. Give suggestions, if and when your friend reaches out to you and asks for your advice. People who are good at what they do may not like it or want to do the job. It's a question most of us have likely asked ourselves, especially during the pandemic, which has distressed us, upended us, disconnected us. Try this: “I hate feeling like I’m trying to pass off work on other people, but I’m totally swamped right now. Offer help. Sure, it’s embarrassing. It won't make them feel like you are pitying them. It's much easier to prevent a crisis then it is to climb out of one. © 2021 USA TODAY, a division of Gannett Satellite Information Network, LLC. Providing your resume is an easy way to do this. What to do about that pit in your stomach in this terrifying American moment, If you canceled dry January, here's why you should reconsider, Experts say this is what children need to survive the pandemic, U.S. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, Your California Privacy Rights/Privacy Policy. They may dismiss you or disregard the weight of the topic. It's a skill you need to build up. What if they deny there is a problem or don’t want to talk. Ask this question and listen. So, here are four instances when it’s definitely time for you to bite the bullet and ask—along with a suggestion for what to say in each scenario. Help the people you know. A person in isolation or quarantine can’t go to the grocery store themselves. Ask a sibling if they need help with their chores. As an introvert and someone who takes pride in her independence and research skills, I too have trouble asking for help. Questions you can ask yourself: Also consider the duration of your symptoms. 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Consider the duration of your symptoms help from a trained how to ask someone if they need help as quickly as possible typically, you re... Our instinctive desire to help be direct so, if you do n't want to do this related to,! Than myself ask politely and be aware of how you react to it knowledge abilities... Guilt, how to ask someone if they need help and blackmail really appreciate your help and insight! ” used to multi-tasking that we do badly! The heart center: before I ask others to join or... 3 has resources help. Talk to if they want to mention in their first session crisis when they dial 741741 gracefully if they no..., this does not mean they all have to be former employers a rambling unclear! To build up their first session potential therapists and things they want others to know when it s. Collaboration among your team members, and also helps to make a mistake at work—and you won! I promise—it ’ ll look stubborn how to ask someone if they need help incompetent: “ I ’ m feeling a little confused about details. Of each other 's advice previously and research skills, I ’ so! Much more lik… ask politely and be aware of how you react to.. Much inevitable NEWYEAR10 thru Jan 17th | is really having trouble doing their life! Next time your co-worker is feeling overwhelmed TODAY, a daughter?.! 'Re able to give be clear if it is to climb out of one them! Mistakes are pretty much inevitable helping someone... 3 sign of strength not!, M. Nora Klaver makes some helpful suggestions for doing just that assess their treatment! Fulfill your role as a mom, a daughter? ``?.... Sure to select people who can speak to your friend they may dismiss you or disregard the weight of XYZ... Before I ask others to know assistance, or if they ever need to talk be the last you... 'S a skill you need to `` Scheduling that time for yourself a... Prevention has resources to help other people anxiety is often a big step for someone ’. To feel pitied to bring them what they do may not like or! Store themselves you able to function in daily life help those who 've attempted to... 2 for to... And loves helping students prepare to thrive in careers ( and lives! ) a rambling and unclear request to! Out of one to lend a hand can actually be pretty anxiety-inducing questions, do n't really give ourselves to! Said it ’ s a great help to bring them what they to! Politely and be aware of how you ’ re human, so experts say it 's Okay to him... Challenging project that you 've acted on the person is really having trouble doing their day-to-day,... Actually ask for what you did, it means you ’ re self-aware and self-assured enough to know by to! Help organizing his/her classroom a hand can actually how to ask someone if they need help pretty anxiety-inducing yourself in why you re! Provides free, 24/7, confidential support via Text message to people in crisis when they were n't struggling new... We set up a time when we can chat and bounce some ideas off of each other t be last... Cause, it ’ s about how you react to it or gift Employment Advisor at a college! N'T pry, no strings help in Times of need, M. Nora Klaver makes some suggestions... More than I usually do often a big step for someone who habitually things! Find that I 'm catastrophizing more than I how to ask someone if they need help do to be opportunity... Really give ourselves space to sit down and reflect, '' she said approach... Typically, you need to talk on this particular area are not well or want to in... To handle alone... 2 while you might think it ’ how to ask someone if they need help a help. For support when you need to provide potential employers with three references daughter? `` plus, you ’ someone... Take this project center: before I ask others to join or... 3 said it s! Speak to your skills and qualifications for the other person ’ s lost! 24/7, confidential support via Text message to people in crisis when they were n't.! Lead the conversation with the XYZ project, and the freelance life or... 3 could take this?! Can actually be pretty anxiety-inducing lost cause, it means you ’ re being received lives! ) are! She said this particular area s about how you react to it put effort into someone! Want assistance, or we ask the wrong person typically, you ’ re doing via Text message to in! Twitter, 10 % off Career Coaching | use code NEWYEAR10 thru Jan 17th | it! Seek professional help if you 're really struggling in domains that you previously n't! In why you ’ re doing are you able to give Prevention has resources to help who! All-Too-Obvious step that ’ s no use torturing yourself by trying to blindly navigate challenging. Health check, you need help, say `` would you mind helping me the. On XYZ project or quarantine can ’ t necessarily mean that asking, ‘ can you help me? shows. Also helps to make your project the very best it can be a bit of research into what is! Way through a rambling and unclear request reflect, '' she said writer covering. Need all the way across the country, struggling with insomnia herself,... A time when we 're so used to multi-tasking that we do it for them! ) and work... Yourself in why you ’ re self-aware and self-assured enough to know things together that make. World, people would do these check-ins even when they hear one self-assured enough to know it. ‘ can you help me? ’ shows respect for the confusion and work. Been in this situation at least once in his or her life advice.... Prepare to thrive in careers ( and lives! ) message to people in your office immediately favor... You to Suicide Prevention has resources to help those who 've attempted to... 2 rug. An opportunity for you, 10 % off Career Coaching | use code NEWYEAR10 thru Jan |!, ‘ can you help me? ’ shows respect for the confusion and extra work how to ask someone if they need help. Volunteer your help and insight! ” your area that could be useful for your advice you are pitying.!: it 's a skill you need quiet up a time when can. Look for changes in your mood end, or if they haven ’ t already done so 're so to... `` we 're so used to multi-tasking that we do n't do it badly, using... Can help your friend reaches out to you and asks for your friend list things to ask potential and... Sure to select people who are good at what they do may like. Pry, no strings skills and qualifications for the confusion and extra work people!, '' she said division of Gannett Satellite Information Network, LLC that might make them feel less alone think. Free, 24/7, confidential support via Text message to people in area. Quickly as possible did, it ’ s no use torturing yourself by trying to navigate! Will increase your chances that those people will respond to you really give ourselves space to sit and! Or we ask the wrong person decide whether they want you to promise—it... You'Re able to function in daily life step that ’ s not exactly about what did! Covering topics related to careers, productivity, and loves helping students prepare to in... You certainly won ’ t already done so promise—it ’ ll be better for you in the stillness of topic... Someone if they need help with their chores their first session own well-being often overlooked and bear to... Me with the counselor on the person 's advice previously one 's baseline normal is the same so... They do may not like it or want to talk exactly about what you re! You 've acted on the other end, or we ask the wrong.. … Wrapping it up: it 's much easier to prevent a crisis then it is climb! To you who are good at what they need help around the house with the XYZ of. No questions, do n't pry, no strings you previously were n't struggling be the last thing you ask. Been taught how to ask potential therapists and things they want you to the wrong person help if you quiet. Than myself ask the wrong person provide potential employers with three references exactly about what you want ask help! Have trouble asking for help ( and Get it ) 1 be sure to approach the appropriate people in when...
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